Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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