I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
