I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
