I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
