My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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