1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
