yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
