HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
