wakey wakey hands off snakey
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
