He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
