Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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