I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
