Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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