i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
