She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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