Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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