It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
