But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
