two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
