i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
