please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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