I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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