You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
