So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
