It's like God shit irony all over that family
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
