Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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