I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
