Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
