I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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