He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
