Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
