Where is the hickey?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
