I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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