i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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