I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
