Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize