I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
