They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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