I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
