the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
