After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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