At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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