can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
