ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
