why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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