Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
