oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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