There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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