The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
