You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My life is pants optional.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize