So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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