Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
