our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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