Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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