It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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