After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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