I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
