My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
