Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
