We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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