I wannas sexs uuuuu
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you will always have a special place in my vag
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
