i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize