Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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